My darling husband Richard died, much too young, in July this year having suffered from incurable cancer (and from months of punishing treatments) throughout the recent Covid “lock-downs”.  He was only 64.

Despite expecting his death, and having felt relatively well versed in how to care for him while still alive, my first feeling was one of stupid helplessness, or “what on earth do I do now?”.  Official, anecdotal and on-line advice seems limited largely to appointing a funeral director and following their instructions.  I feel blessed that the funeral director introduced me to Sarah.  She immediately explained how much choice I had and how we could create a day to do Richard proud and provide enduring comfort for all those who loved him.  Sarah lifted me up, enabled me, gave me confidence and stayed beside me throughout that process.

Sarah first visited me at home on a Sunday and spent a couple of hours listening to my brother and I share stories and memories.  We spoke about his life and priorities, his friends, his family and how many of the family members might feel.  We listened to some of his distinctly dated and unfashionable favourite tunes and tried to explain the depth of his passion for horse-racing.  The following day she invited me to walk with her to and around the crematorium, so that I was familiar with the layout and how the service would work. 

Richard was a sociable and uncommonly generous man who believed in holding a good party if you were to hold one at all.  I felt strongly that his funeral was his last chance to do so.  I wanted it to provide a necessary sense of closure and to allow time for all to reflect and remember him, but at the same time to be as amusing and full of fun and passion as he was.  I had to look after all those present, respect their needs, sensitivities and memories of him, and then to send them home, as he would have done, feeling loved and uplifted.

I began to feel the “rough edges” of the process soften as of my first meeting with Sarah.  Her generosity with her care and time was immediate and outstanding.  I felt cocooned by the knowledge, experience and sensitivity of an expert.  She seemed to know all that was to be known, to know everyone you needed to know to make it happen, and then to disappear and “magic” any problems away.  Within days, working together on how best to celebrate Richard’s life came to feel like an honour.  Simply by listening and observing, Sarah had understood exactly how best to do this.

Sarah shaped the service to flow naturally and led it with great dignity.  Her advice on the order of service and elements of ritual made it faultless, and her attention to, and understanding of significant detail was outstanding.  Sarah encouraged me to include small props and nods to Richard’s passions (shared by many of those present) and to follow my instincts in respect of the choices of music.  She suggested readings and arranged additional touches such as a slide show to music and the services of a videographer, always followed by the mantra, “I will do that for you”.  As a result, the service was full of love for Richard, of anecdotes and points of interest which prompted gales of laughter and applause.  I was uncertain about recording the service, but am so pleased that I followed Sarah’s advice.  I have since watched it over and over and find it a source of much comfort and pride in him, and in how manifestly he was loved.

The impromptu video interviews with Richard’s family and friends at the wake almost all begin with thanks to Sarah for arranging such a successful and enjoyable day.  Some seemed a little bashful in admitting to having enjoyed themselves, but this is exactly what Richard would have wished.  Our neighbour, with more years under his belt than we, told me that he had never been to such a good funeral in his life.  I cannot think of a better way to summarize what Sarah did for me and for Richard’s family and friends.